Life in May

I'm back at the point where no one really xangas!! Ohwell.

Old Navy has decided to start giving more hours, phew. Now I wont need another job, thank God.

 I have come to the conclusion, I don't want Chicago out of my life completely. I want to be there. Not just vacations, I want to live there. I am going to apply for the Radiology program at U of Illinois at Chicago. When I said I missed Chicago, I meant it. I want to be back there. I want it more than anything. I don't know what that will jeopardize, but I just want to be happy. Being in Indiana doesnt make me happy. One or another, Ill get to Chicago. And it wont be long.

Life in May

I'm back at the point where no one really xangas!! Ohwell.

Old Navy has decided to start giving more hours, phew. Now I wont need another job, thank God.

 I have come to the conclusion, I don't want Chicago out of my life completely. I want to be there. Not just vacations, I want to live there. I am going to apply for the Radiology program at U of Illinois at Chicago. When I said I missed Chicago, I meant it. I want to be back there. I want it more than anything. I don't know what that will jeopardize, but I just want to be happy. Being in Indiana doesnt make me happy. One or another, Ill get to Chicago. And it wont be long.

Conclusion.

So its hard to believe im giving up Columbia. I wanted it so bad, I got it, then im leaving it behind. I really, really want to go there. But my heart and mind is telling me to stay here and do radiology. Sigh. I guess Chicago will just be a place to go and visit.

So im applying to IUPUI for Radiology. Its wierd, I was so excited for Chicago, couldnt wait to go visit so I could start learning where everything was, and now, everything is changed. Im staying here. In Indiana. Sighhh. At least ill still be near my family. And with my own apartment still. In the end Ill know ive made the right choice.

Goodbye Chicago.

Im having a lot of emotions right now.

Im so confused.

For the past 4 months, I have wanted to go to Columbia in Chicago, i worked so hard on my essay to get in, I got accepted, Im about to send in my $500 for my housing deposit, and now as I sit here, I wonder, am i choosing the right career for myself?

When I first started thinking about college, I wanted to be a nurse. An RN was my set career and thats all i wanted. I took a Organic Chem class in high school, and immediately realized that isnt what I liked to do and didnt know why i wanted to be a nurse, i immediately dropped that dream. I thought of maybe other medical fields i might enjoy, and Sonography crossed my mind. I thought "I would love that job"  seeing how happy the mothers are, telling parents to be the sex of their baby. For some reason, I dropped that dream, too.

Now in my head I realized I love fashion, I love clothing and accessories and thats my passion. Its what I want to be around for the rest of my life. Fashion shows, designing clothing, my own botique. I thrive on it. So I applied to Columbia to pursue a degree in Fashion Merchandising.

Last week in English, we watched a movie Death of A Salesman. After it was over, our professor told us that one year, a student after watching this play, decided that he wasnt going to school for himself, its not what he wanted, its what other people wanted, he was trying to make them happy but he didnt want that, and he dropped out to pursue his dream career, college wasnt needed. After seeing this play, idk if it was the play or what, but I just went back to the thoughts of me wanting to get into Sonography. Why did I drop that dream of wanting to become a Sonographer? As i think about it now, I am not sure how hard it is to become a Sonographer, what GPA and grades and classes are needed, but I am now somehow torn. Do i want to go to fashion school? Is that my dream? Or do I want to go to Medical School? I dont know what to do. Im lost. I thought I knew what i wanted to do with my life, now once again, im speechless. What do I do?

whats hurting?

my heart.